Red One

A confounding project that is clearly trying to be for all audiences (it’s weirdly kiddie-oriented, but feels more aimed at adults) and is so bad it ends up being for none.

The aggressively secular and gift-based systems of Red One are almost enough to prompt a moist-eyed holiday wish for more piously churchy seasonal entertainment.

This is the big American blockbuster of the week, and it is absolute crap.

“Red One,” a film that has the courage to ask: What if the Santa Claus story was like a Marvel movie?

With all its North Pole mayhem, Red One plays like a feature-length version of The Night the Reindeer Died, the Christmas movie spoof that kicked off Scrooged (1988). But that was satire, and Red One isn’t kidding.

But what “Red One” is really missing, what every Christmas movie worth its eggnog requires, is summed up in one word: magic.

While it certainly does have its share of issues holding it back, you could certainly do worse than a so-so piece of family entertainment like this.

Together [Johnson and Evans] are going to discover the true spirit of Christmas, not because either of them feel it but because the movie will get a crappy CinemaScore rating without it.

Every trick and plotline you’ve seen in superhero movies of the last 20 years get brought into Red One only less interesting, and worse to look at.

This film felt as cold as a polar bears buttocks. Not much fun or merriment to be had. It's unfortunate because there is room for a mythology-driven film series, but this one just isn't it.